Archive for the ‘Flash Fiction’ Category

A Huge Wank-fest

Elmer Does the Hula

Rules of the Road

Bobo Takes a Chance

The Pressure Cooker

A Huge Wank-fest

It wasn’t easy watching the penguins go at it night and day but Peter Parnell was determined to find some evidence of antisocial behavior amongst his critters even if it meant staving off his own ravenous sexual hunger, hunger that had been building for 8 long months, ever since he moved to this godforsaken continent to do his doctoral research.

“I know vhat you are zinking, Peter.” Dr. von Berlow groaned in his guttural low-German.

“You are zinking you vish

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Elmer Does the Hula

Stumbling across the train tracks in a daze, Elmer fought desperately to stay alive. The Dolly Parton wig he’d stuffed into the hole in his left thigh had bled through, creating a color only a young person could love. Elmer feared if he didn’t get help soon he’d never hula again.

“What an idiot!” he thought, pushing past his pain.

But there was no going back. The entire Texas panhandle was swarming with MPs looking for a tubby middle-aged

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Rules of the Road

by Lisa Martinovic

“God damn I hate Indianapolis.”

That was Bull Case, long-distance trucker, rendering his opinion on the shit-hole truckstop he and his buddy, Tex, had the misfortune to gas up at.

Tex was still in la-la land.

“She had me to-stay the night, Bull. She made me breakfast. Mmmmmm mmmm.” He rubbed his belly.

Bull looked down at his scrawny weatherbeaten friend and shook his head in disgust.

“You’re a goner, Tex.”

“Well, I don’t care if I am. Home-cooked meal ain’t a thing a man of the road oughten to take lightly.”

Bull snorted, pulling the nozzle from the shank of his 18 wheeler. He

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Bobo Takes a Chance

by Lisa Martinovic

Bobo Canelli wasn’t cut out to be a hit man. But that alone didn’t explain his presence on a cattle car lurching across Siberia.

He slapped a fat mosquito feeding on his forearm. “Damn Russkie bugs!”

The other passengers ignored him and continued dozing in the hypnotic heat of summer on the plains.

Bobo wondered if he’d made a mistake, uprooting his life in the Bronx, and selling everything for a one-way ticket to Vladivostok where Annabelle Marsh had vowed to meet him for an unforgettable first date.

This was Bobo’s first stab at Internet dating.

When he told Mama Canelli of his

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The Pressure Cooker

by Lisa Martinovic

Constance Snow came home from the market with the world’s biggest pressure cooker, finally realizing her dream of stewing an entire cow. She was determined to make a memorable dinner for Tom Bridge, the man she hoped to marry.

Alas, Constance was so flustered by Tom’s early arrival that she didn’t notice him climb into the pressure cooker for a catnap.

She began peeling carrots and potatoes. Tom was so cozy, so lulled by the scent of oregano, he didn’t notice vegetable chunks raining down upon him.

Before long, Tom was done.

Constance made the best of it.

 

The Open House

Abby

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